Creepiest kids’ toys

Okay, on first glance, cute pink-haired Lalaloopsy doesn’t seem creepy–that is unless you’ve read the book Coraline or seen the movie. Because the evil-scary-bad people have those exact same button eyes. Creepiest thing ever! (Shudders just thinking about it.) Don’t put this doll on your bed. She may kill you sometime during the night. That’s why she’s smiling.

Some things shouldn’t be combined. Dora and Pillow Pets are two of those things.

Dora looks like she has become some sort of mutant furry animal akin to that freaky dog in the original Body Snatchers movie. (But at least he doesn’t have button eyes.)

I’ve always loved Barbie. Really. I have more Barbies than is probably healthy for a grown woman to own. (But that’s a different blog.) So I was understandably disturbed to see decapitated Barbie heads in the toy aisle. My first thought was, “Well, it looks like Mattel has finally done a Marie Antoinette doll.” Then I realized that no, Barbie now has a line where the heads are switchable. Remember how people used to worry that Barbie sent the wrong body image message to young girls? I’m glad they’ve straightened out that issue.

I’m a huge Star Wars fan. At one point I wanted to marry Luke Skywalker. (On some days I still do.) I hate to criticize anything Star Wars, but despite this deep seated love, I must point out that Yoda makes a really creepy child’s toy.

Um, am I only the one who thinks that Yoda looks like he has emerged from a horror film and is trying to strangle this hapless child?

The catalog copy says Cuddle with you, I will! Judging from this picture, Yoda is also saying, “Hide under your bed, I will. Come out at night while you’re sleeping, I will. Try to suck your brains out, I will.”

No thanks, I’ll pass on that Star Wars memorabilia.

If you haven’t seen the movie Rango, this next picture is Ms. Beans, the love interest of Johnny Depp–er, I mean Rango. Johny Depp just does the voice for Rango. Anyway, she’s supposed to be a Desert Iguana.

Personally, I think she would frighten most children and many adults. I mean, really, she is clearly just an alien wearing a wig.

So parents, if you are going to go to the trouble to buy your children a gift, don’t buy them one that they will later need therapy for. Hey, I know what would be really great. How about a book? I know of many good ones, including this one:

It’s available at all your fine bookstores (including the Portland airport–how awesome is that?) Here are links for your convenience. (Because I’m thoughtful that way.)

http://www.changinghands.com/book/9780312614140

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/cj-hill-slayers?keyword=cj+hill+slayers&store=allproducts

Or if you’re looking for a kindle bargain try this book at 2.51

http://www.amazon.com/My-Fair-Godmother-ebook/dp/B00413PHVO/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1326120589&sr=1-1