The dreaded bio

My publisher just asked what I wanted for my bio in the back of The Wrong Side of Magic (Assuming Feiwell keeps the original title.) I always get a personality crisis whenever anybody asks me about my bio.

Who am I? How am I supposed to put anything meaningful in a few sentences? I always want to write something like:

Janette Rallison rocks. No really, she’s awesome. And she is totally not writing this bio herself. Everybody believes she’s awesome. You should buy all her books.

At other times I want to write something more abstract like: Janette Rallison doesn’t have the patience for chess, wears white after labor day, and has never seen the intrinsic value of modern art. She always roots for the prey during nature videos. Sometimes she trips over air molecules.

Sometimes she remembers the difference between root and route–but not very often

I mean, after 23 books, what is there to say?

Sigh.