Celebrity Fashion

I’ve always been grateful that authors don’t count as real celebrities, since there is some unwritten law that celebrities have to frequently dress like expensive clowns. I mean, really, what was Rihanna thinking when she bought this outfit? And for that matter, what was the fashion designer thinking when s/he designed it?

I’m imagining some drunk guy with a fake European accent saying, “At last, I have created the perfect blend between water-wings and dice!”

Or how about anything Lady Gaga wears. This for example:
The perfect blend of a life jacket and a disco ball.

But recently it has occurred to me that the reason that celebrities dress this way is so that people will plaster their photos around. Hey, it’s free advertising. In this spirit, I’m beginning to think that I should dress like a celebrity at all upcoming author functions. So what do you think I’d look better in this:

Or this:

Maybe I’ll just save myself time and wrap a roll of tin foil around my body.