How you know you’re a seasoned author

I was thinking about this as I got ready for my panel last night at Changing Hands. My how things have changed since my first book event!

First book event an author does:

You have dreamed about this day for years. You spend two weeks shopping for the perfect dress. You count down the days. You have your hair done by a beautician. You go out with your friends beforehand to celebrate. Your husband is there to take pictures.

After a few years:

You buy a new shirt for the book event. Hey, it’s time you went shopping for yourself and this gives you a good excuse. You mark the event on your calendar with pride but don’t obsess about it. You make sure you color your hair before the event so you have no gray roots showing. You barely remember to take your camera so someone can snap your picture with the other authors there.

After a few more years:

You mark the date on your calendar to make sure you don’t forget. (How embarrassing would that be?) You figure what you have in your closet is fine to wear and iron something nice looking the day before. Your hair? Well, you probably can squeak by another day without anyone noticing the gray. Only a little is peeking out. When you get to the event you realize you forgot your camera and ask one of the other authors to forward a picture to you.

After 12 years:

You write a memo to yourself on your hand so you won’t forget. (Yes, it’s on the calendar but that’s no guarantee you’ll remember to go when it’s time.) You wonder if it’s possible to color your gray roots with an eyebrow pencil. You find yourself an hour before the event rifling through your closet looking for something clean. Forget the camera, if you’re lucky you will remember to zip your fly. (Because how embarrassing would that be to have you’re fly down again?)

And by the way, my fly was zipped last night, but while I was sitting on the panel I realized that I had forgotten to change my socks form when I was sloughing around the house earlier in sweats and they didn’t match my dressy shirt.

Oh well, authors are supposed to be eccentric right? And hey, Michael, if you’re reading this, forward me that picture you took of the authors so I can use it on my blog!