My editor just called to talk to me about self promotion and book publicity–specifically how I need to be doing both. (I remember fondly the good old days when I thought my job was to write books.) Anyway, with that in mind I’d like to announce that I am the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby . . . or if that doesn’t work, I’m the mother . . . or the long lost twin. At any rate, I’m something very interesting. The paparazzi ought to come hang out in front of my house and snap pictures of me looking like I’m in a hurry and avoiding eye contact. And while they’re parked out in front of my house, they should make themselves useful and pull a few weeds. All in all, I think this would make my life easier.