I got my second revision letter and manuscript comments from the bow-tied one. I will share some of it with you and interpret it for you along the way. In his email to me, he said, “You’re doing great! We love it!”
Ohhoho. I know better than to believe those words. He is not taking me in with those pretty exclamation points. He always says those sorts of things right before he butchers my manuscript and sends me back the bleeding entrails.
I opened the revision letter and braced myself. I read a few lines and then he said, “We can discuss deadlines after you’ve had a chance to sit with all of this.”
Ahh, the truth first peeks out with its beady little eyes. The bow-tied one knows full well that when I read what follows I will be so torked out of shape I will not speak to him for a solid week. It is going to be bad my friends, very bad.
He then says, “You will be relieved to see that there are fewer comments on this pass (only 407 this time, down from 435), so clearly you are moving in the right direction!”
I would make some other sort of statement about his 407 comments, but I haven’t read them yet. I can’t. I’ve made a bargain with myself. I will only read his revisions notes until I get so upset that I want to scream, then I will walk away from the computer and do something else for the rest of the day. It is the only way I can get through this.
It will take me at least another day to finish his revision letter before I even open the manuscript.
I have finally figured out why he wears a bow-tie instead of a regular one. Bow-ties are harder to grab a hold of when you want to strangle people.
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