The Cruising Life, part two

For those of you who have never been on a cruise, the experience is pretty much like being aboard a floating buffet. Seriously, the ship had 24 hour pizza and ice cream. Which means that at some point, you feel obligated to eat pizza at 2:00 in the morning. And at 2:00 in the afternoon.

One of the coolest sights we saw were dolphins that swam along side the ship. They were probably hoping for discarded fish sticks.

 For some reason that isn’t clear to me, Carnival decorated their dining room so that it looked like Ursula from the Little Mermaid was attacking the ship. Nothing says, “Dig in and eat!” like big purple plastic tubes. And if that’s not classy enough for you, they added orange spiderweb designs to the end of the tubes. Maybe if you’re really drunk, this all makes sense.

 Here’s a hugely gigantic Mexican flag that stands at one port.  If you ask me, it’s too large. It almost seems like they’re compensating for something else.

 The stewards always left little towel animals on our bed ever night.  Oh sure, they look cute and cuddly . . .

But while you sleep, it’s a different story.

 There were all sorts of these signs on the ship. I’m assuming there were no words on them because the sign makers wanted to add to the general confusion the signs communicated. Here you can see two different signs, side by side. The first is clearly warning you that ninjas may drop from the ceiling and surround your family.

 The second is telling you to run like heck–which is the normal response if you are being attacked by ninjas.

And here you can see a cruise ship taking a wrong turn somewhere on the Mississippi River. By the way, it took us nine hours to get to the sea. This is probably why Huckleberry Fin was such a long book.
And lastly, here I am with a pirate. I think it is pretty clear–judging from the position of his gun–what happened to his leg. Which is why you should never drink and be a pirate at the same time.


  1. Jess
    April 30, 2013 at 8:01 am

    I had no idea Carnival cruises were so ominous…ninjas, Ursula, towel creatures AND pirates all poised to attack at any drunken moment? I’d never survive.

  2. Janette Rallison
    April 30, 2013 at 8:33 am

    It’s not for the faint of heart, Jess.

  3. Jeanna Stay
    April 30, 2013 at 6:52 pm

    My husband’s vote for the first sign is “All people, please report to the human reactor core.” For the second, he geekily referenced a computer game called Portal and suggests that this sign was warning you against placing the portals such that you trip yourself with your own arm. (This probably made more sense when he explained it to me.)

  4. Laura Johnston
    May 1, 2013 at 9:12 am

    What an adventure! Loving the Ursula-themed dining room. 🙂

  5. Janette Rallison
    May 1, 2013 at 9:14 am

    My son loves Portal. I seriously stink at the game, so I guess it’s a good thing I never had to use those signs.

  6. Janette Rallison
    May 1, 2013 at 9:15 am

    Laura, it was fun. I could get used to having people cook and clean for me.

  7. Beedubbs
    May 1, 2013 at 8:32 pm

    Too funny!
    If I ever have the opportunity to go on a cruise, I will now have a cruise guideline to go by. Weird signs, ninjas, towel monsters, crazy octopus ladies, pirates…it’s all here.
    I can see it now! “How To Survive A Cruise” By: Janette Rallison. It’ll be your best one yet. Haha.

  8. E.S. Ivy
    May 3, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    You are the only person I’ve seen besides me who puts on as much clothing as possible to go snorkeling. :)It’s nice to not be the only one!

  9. Janette Rallison
    May 5, 2013 at 3:29 pm

    Beedubs, I think a cruise novel would be great. I should do a lot of research on it and book a few more cruises.

    ES, After one really bad sunburn that nearlly ruined a vacation, I now dress like I am preparing for nuclear winter every time I go swimming. It’s so much easier than wondering if your sunscreen worked. You rock on, girlfriend. Maybe the look will catch on.

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