I enjoy a good love song with a catchy beat. Sadly, there are some performers who ruin their songs by giving them lyrics so horrible that I can’t listen to the music without cringing.
For example, a few singers seem to completely miss the point of pickup lines. If you’re trying to get a girl or guy to like you, then you shouldn’t appear to be a stalker or, nearly as bad–a completely crass dolt.
Enrique Iglesia’s song I Want to Love You Tonight is the prime example of the bad pickup song–because the real lyrics aren’t, “I want to love you tonight.” They’re actually, “I want to (insert a term here that would get you slapped in any civilized country and beheaded in a few other ones) tonight.”
In honor of Enrique’s tastelessness I created the Enrique Iglesia’s Memorial Worst Pickup Lyrics in a Song Award.
To see other year’s awards go to:
Without further ado let’s vote for this year’s contenders. I must mention that this year many of the songs had a death-wish bent to them that added to their creepiness. Apparently the music industry needs some Prozac.
Maybe the reason she can hear his heart beating so hard is that he’s pondering his chances of escaping her clutches.
That magic in your pants, it’s making me blush (for sure)
2) DJ Got Us Falling in Love Again
Keep downing drinks like there’s no tomorrow there’s just right now, now, now, now, now,
Gonna set the roof on fire
Gonna burn this mother* down, down, down, down, down, down
. . . Swear I seen you before
I think I remember those eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes
‘Cause baby tonight, the DJ got us falling in love again
Yeah, baby tonight, the DJ got us falling in love again
The song goes on to say: So dance, dance like it’s the last, last night of your life, life
3) Florida Georgia Line
These guys are adorable and I like their music, but I also wonder if they completely speak English.
Baby you a song.
You make me wanna roll my windows down and cruise down a back road blowin’ stop signs through the middle
Every little farm town with you.
I heard these lyrics and thought two things: 1) You should meet Ke$sha. You’re probably her kind of driver. And 2) I’m not a grammar Nazi or anything, but I feel an insistent need to take a red pen to your lyrics. I’ll let the “Baby you a song” slide, but that missing “of” in that last sentence is just wrong.
4) Locked Out of Heaven
by Bruno Mars
Your (insert a word that implies procreation and would get my blog banned if I used it) takes me to paradise.
And it shows, yeah, yeah, yeah
Cause you make feel like, I’ve been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long
Yeah you make feel like, I’ve been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long
Oh yeah yeah yeah Ooh! Oh yeah yeah Oh yeah yeah yeah Ooh!
You bring me to my knees
You make me testify
You can make a sinner change his ways
Open up your gates cause I can’t wait to see the light
As a writer, I appreciate good metaphors and similes. Sadly this song’s lyrics don’t fall under that category. Let’s ignore the fact that all of this is tacky. Let’s also ignore the fact that throwing in a bunch of “Oh yeah yeah yeahs” does nothing to improve the song. The simile isn’t clear. You feel like you’ve been locked out of heaven for too long? What exactly does that mean? She makes you feel like you’re in Hades right now? She makes you feel like you want to die and end it all? Or are you saying, in an unclear manner, that now you’re in heaven whereas before you weren’t?
At any rate, maybe Bruno should get used to being locked out of heaven since I doubt anyone beyond the Pearly Gates will appreciate these lyrics.
And that “Open up your gates” lyric, well, I’m rethinking the “magic in your pants” as being the tackiest line ever sung.
So dear music aficionados, those are the contestants for the bad pickup lyrics this year. Vote for the one you think is most deserving, or nominate your own.
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