The evil new computer

We got a new computer. It was time. The last one was so old and slow that the other computers just laughed at it whenever it went on the Internet. The problem is that the new computer now has Vista.

“Why in the world did you buy a computer with Vista when you know I hate Vista?” I asked my husband, aka Techno-Bob.

My laptop has Vista. I think the word Vista is actually just one of those scrambled words that really means: Is Vat. This is fitting because anything I type on my laptop sooner or later disappears into a vat-like black hole where I can’t retrieve it. And don’t even bother using the search function on Vista. If you type in the words: Proposal for ARA, you are never going to find your proposal for ARA. It will bring up three hundred documents whose titles are not Proposal for ARA but that somewhere in the body use the words, Proposal, for, or some part of ARA.

I could go on and on about Vista, like how it took me about a year to find the insert ruler button amongst all the web layout, switch windows, and Macros buttons. (I don’t know what any of those buttons do or why they are on my computer.) My last novel looked like it was typed on a PowerPoint slide until I was halfway through it. Really. It’s just so annoying.

My husband knows how I feel about Vista because I have threatened to turn my laptop into an expensive Frisbee, many many times.

So then he told me, “The new computer has Vista because they all have Vista now.”

I am not much of a conspiracy theory person, but I know this is a conspiracy–probably by aliens who are trying to permanently cripple the computer-using workforce. Or maybe just some horrible joke Bill Gates is playing on us.

Now the computer is refusing to spellcheck my emails. It says, “This language is no longer available for spellcheck.”

I wonder if it would spellcheck my emails if I wrote them Lebanese. I may have to resort to that.


The evil new computer — 19 Comments

  1. My mom,Michelle, also HATES Vista, and she had also threatened to throw her laptop out the window. It has had SO many problems. We really hate The program too 😛 hehehe

  2. Vista was Microsoft’s imitation of the Apple software…I’m not really familiar with either programs, and I’m ok with that for the time being. We’ll see how much longer my laptop will last though…

  3. Yes, that might be a little premature–but hey, I’m on the committee this year so maybe I should just bend the rules. I don’t think anyone would actually notice if a book won that hadn’t been published yet . . .

  4. Oh my. I am with you. I totally hate Vista. When we bought our new computer, I tried to talk my hubby into spending the extra money and buying a separate license for XP. He didn’t go for it though. I wish the buyer had more options for software.

  5. And it’s not like you can choose something else.

    I didn’t have problems with Vista, until it swallowed all my Word Toolbars and won’t let me fix the problem.

    So I found a free Word program on the internet.

  6. Vista is a tool of Satan – and no one can convince me otherwise. The first thing I did when I brought my new laptop home was erase Darth Vista and install XP!! You have ALL my sympathy!

  7. what you really want is microsoft profetional (that doesn’t look right oh well) office 2007. its wonderful for all that its exspensive. we only got it beacuse my dad went on a buisness trip to microsoft and got a discount.

  8. Oh, how I feel your pain! I’m in the same crazy situation with Vista–and have the same problem with no spell check on email!

    I never have time to work out what all the millions of tool bar buttons do, or how to use them, so they are wasted. And when I do eventually figure one out in desperation, then go back to it after a few days,I’ve forgotten what I did. Aaaaargh!!!

    By the way, I’ve discovered by trial and error that sometimes files look like they’ve disappeared, but are still there if created in the old Word 97 format and not yet converted to Vista format (whatever that is).

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