Okay, I’m finally blogging about my Utah trip. I went up for my niece’s wedding, did three school visits and basically had a blast hanging out with my family. Because my family is hilarious. Some people think I’m funny. This is only because they haven’t met my family. The rest of them are way funnier which means that every time we get together I usually laugh until I cry.
My brother-in-law, Dante, was telling us about the overpriced four-dollar pastries being served at the luncheon, and how even though he was paying an exorbitant amount for the catering, the wedding-palace-place was only serving enough pastries for 60 people. Unfortunately they had invited 125 people so the night before the wedding we were devising solutions to this problem. Our best idea was to have a rating system for the gifts, and only people who’d brought really nice ones got to get in the pastry line.
My oldest daughter (code name Serena, after her favorite cartoon character) was assigned to sit at the check-in table, take the gifts, and have people sign the guest book.
I’ve always found those guest books intimidating. I mean, here is this keepsake that the bride and groom will cherish forever and you want to write something deep, meaningful, and unique but after standing with the pen poised in your hand for long enough that the line backs up, you finally scrawl out, “Best Wishes!” and move on.
So the family got to talking about that too. Or rather, we talked about the things that you should not write in the bride and groom’s guest book.
Here is the top ten list of things you shouldn’t write:
1. This was really nice for your first wedding.
2. It’s not too late for a pre-nup.
3. The office pool is giving you two years.
4. And who says you can’t find nice bridal dresses at Sears?
5. Apparently she couldn’t have done better.
6. We don’t actually know you. We just came for the four dollar pastries.
7. He must be a good catch; his first three wives had no complaints, God rest their souls.
8. For your wedding gift I got you that supply of penicillin.
9. At last, you found a way to get your green card!
10. Don’t worry her ex didn’t make parole.
I bet after hanging out with all of us, Serena will never want to get married.