I was just at the Tucson Book Festival last weekend where I got to hang out with many fun writers including political cartoonist David Fitszimmons. He gave me this cartoon that he used during his presentation. No particular reason why. Nope, none at all.
I got my second revision letter and manuscript comments from the bow-tied one. I will share some of it with you and interpret it for you along the way. In his email to me, he said, “You’re doing great! We love it!”
Ohhoho. I know better than to believe those words. He is not taking me in with those pretty exclamation points. He always says those sorts of things right before he butchers my manuscript and sends me back the bleeding entrails.
I opened the revision letter and braced myself. I read a few lines and then he said, “We can discuss deadlines after you’ve had a chance to sit with all of this.”
Ahh, the truth first peeks out with its beady little eyes. The bow-tied one knows full well that when I read what follows I will be so torked out of shape I will not speak to him for a solid week. It is going to be bad my friends, very bad.
He then says, “You will be relieved to see that there are fewer comments on this pass (only 407 this time, down from 435), so clearly you are moving in the right direction!”
I would make some other sort of statement about his 407 comments, but I haven’t read them yet. I can’t. I’ve made a bargain with myself. I will only read his revisions notes until I get so upset that I want to scream, then I will walk away from the computer and do something else for the rest of the day. It is the only way I can get through this.
It will take me at least another day to finish his revision letter before I even open the manuscript.
I have finally figured out why he wears a bow-tie instead of a regular one. Bow-ties are harder to grab a hold of when you want to strangle people.
When I was in Kansas for the library conference, the presenters in one of the classes chose theme songs. One lady chose Happy Trails, another lady chose Life is a Highway (and told us to insert the word “information” before the word “Highway”. Another lady chose the song I Will Survive because she’d had to move her library four times in the last year.
It got me thinking about what song I would choose for a theme song. Right now I’m doing revisions, which never makes me happy and is especially hard now because I just waded through revisions for Just One Wish (Or maybe it’s Just One More Wish–I’m not really sure what they changed it to.)It’s also been hard because my editor asked me to make some sweeping changes in this one and to cut out about 100 pages. Why is it that none of my editors seem to grasp my brilliance?
So with that in mind, my theme song of the moment is Love Song by Sara Bareilles. If the technology is working, it should be playing on your computer right now. (How cool is that?) You can sing along, but wherever Sara sings the words “love song” insert the word “novel”. If you are doing revisions it will make you feel much better. In fact, I should start compiling a list of revision songs.
As far as a theme song for my life . . . well that’s harder. Right now I’m leaning toward the song, I Knew You Were Waiting For Me by George Michael and Aretha Franklin. That song got me through some hard times and so I’ll always love it. Although if we’re talking about the song I’d take with me to that desert island which is populated with all those people who got to take only one book with them–then I’d probably take Pachabel’s Cannon in D or Jewel singing Ave Maria. I didn’t even like that song until I heard Jewel singing it and now it’s one of my favorites.
So what is your theme song right now?
. . .Blank stares at Blank pages . . . no easy way to say this . . . your help just hurts . . .