More Doll Wrecks

Since it’s Fathers Day, I could do something on power tools, but no, I’m going to do a blog on children (They make fathers, after all) well, more specifically fake children. Also known as dolls. Those of you who know me, know that I have a doll thing. I’m especially impressed–and horrified by reborn dolls. They’re supposed to look lifelike and at any given time there are hundreds on eBay going for hundreds of dollars. Here are some examples of some good ones so you know what they’re supposed to look like:

Amazing, huh? Beautiful, right?

I want to hug and coo over these dolls. So you can see why they can go for a lot of money on auction sites. That said, there are a lot of dolls on eBay that just don’t seem to capture what reborn dolls are supposed to be. In the constructive criticism of the Cake Wrecks blog, I want to offer a few words of advice to doll painters.

My words for this one are, “No. No. No.” What were we going for? Demon child perhaps? Gollum’s offspring?

Another word of advice: Blush is nice, but if you use too much of it, people will look at your doll and want to call child protective services.

Yeah, that would be too much of the red stuff.

There seems to be a new trend to have baby dolls open-mouthed and crying. This is another place where the words, “No. No. No.” come to mind.

Here’s another No:

And here’s the baby that ate Detroit:

And here’s one for every parent who wants their child to grow up to be a circus clown. Or an elf.

Oh, one last word of advice to doll makers: Lips are not optional. Your doll really should have them. I mean, blankets can only hide so much.

Well, I bet at this point you’re all thinking how beautiful your children are, because they look nothing like these last dolls. So true. Really, reborn dolls offer society a valuable service.


  1. nikkebirde
    June 20, 2011 at 2:20 am

    That first one specifically is going to give me nightmares…I don’t see how anyone could have those in their home.

  2. Middle-aged Mormon Man
    June 20, 2011 at 5:33 am

    This was an introduction into a creepy side of society that I was blissfully unaware of. And the ugly dolls are even creepier.

  3. Janette Rallison
    June 20, 2011 at 8:46 am

    Yes, my middle daughter can’t see why I like dolls at all. She keeps saying, “They just sit there and watch you . . .”

  4. Shari
    June 20, 2011 at 8:51 am

    The first couple were adorable, but then EEK! Do people really buy those?

  5. Stephanie Abney
    June 20, 2011 at 8:55 am

    As always, YOU CRACK ME UP, Janette!!! Oh my HECK!

  6. Janette Rallison
    June 20, 2011 at 8:56 am

    The bad ones very often don’t sell–although, this isn’t the case for the even more hideous reborn monkeys. For some reason that I can’t fathom, (rich people have no taste?) those seem to sell pretty well.

  7. Wendy A. Jones
    June 20, 2011 at 9:09 am

    I see a dedicated “Doll Wrecks” blog in your future. You know, in all your spare time. This post makes me glad my daughters have decided to dote their motherliness on stuffed animals.

  8. tenacious d
    June 20, 2011 at 9:43 am

    I feel really sad for the designers of those dolls if that’s what the babies in their lives look like.

  9. Janette Rallison
    June 20, 2011 at 9:48 am

    Yes, it does make you wonder where they got their models from, and why they wanted to reproduce those looks.

  10. Lauren
    June 20, 2011 at 10:13 am

    My grandma collects dolls too. 🙂 She has a whole room filled with just dolls. When I was little, she would always give dolls for Christmas.

    I’ve always loved dolls, but some of these are really scary.

  11. Middle-aged Mormon Man
    June 20, 2011 at 11:25 am

    Then again… I have seen some really ugly babies.

  12. Shelby
    June 21, 2011 at 6:59 am

    Those are some creepy babies!

  13. Shelby
    June 21, 2011 at 7:10 am

    I just finished ‘My Unfair Godmother’, and It was great! If I had a pathetic-O-Meter, it would be pretty high. I talk to myself, and inanimate objects. However, I do not like (most) rap music, don’t like low-rise jeans, and don’t like ‘bad boys’.

    I thought Chrissy did a much better this time. Poor Savanah had her at her worst, but Tansy got it (a little) better! I loved baby Stetson!

    You should make a third one, since you said you had three covers! However, I can’t think of anything using the word ‘fair’ in it…I guess that’s why you are the author!

  14. shani
    June 24, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    dolls are creepy. Nuf’ said

  15. Anonymous
    June 26, 2011 at 8:51 am

    Dolls give me the creeps:(

  16. Cozy in Texas
    July 3, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    Some of those are scary. I’m happy with my real life little angel

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