Top Ten Jury Duty excuses

I have to say that some people use some pretty unimaginative excuses for getting out of jury duty. Things like, “I can’t speak English.” And “It would create a financial hardship.” And “I’m a police officer.” Come on, people. It’s not like you’re ever going to see the judge again. (At least we can hope not, because hey, wouldn’t that be ironic?) So here’s a list of reasons with a bit more imagination.

1) I have a very important World or Warcraft quest to finish and my guild is depending on me.

2) I committed a felony, I just wasn’t caught.

3) I’m psychic and so I already know the outcome of the trial.

4) Pick me! Pick me!

5) Yes, I know the defendant, and the prosecutor, and the bailiff. I know ALL of you!

6) My entourage needs me.

7) Can you repeat that, Judge? I’m twittering the whole thing.

8) Can I be impartial? As long as impartial means any fool can see the man is guilty.

9) I’m a writer. By nature we’re shiftless, unreliable, and we make stuff up for a living.

10) This man is clearly a baby eater! And i will see that he is punished for his crimes.


Top Ten Jury Duty excuses — 14 Comments

  1. Or how about, “I’d like to say for the record that I didn’t realize last time that an indecisive jury doesn’t have to be literally *hung.* I probably won’t make that mistake again.”

  2. Actually, being a police officer doesn’t automatically get you kicked off. You can survive the “for cause” challenge by firmly asserting your ability to keep an open mind and fairly evaluate the investigative techniques and reasoning abilities of your collegues. That will keep you there until the defense attorney’s first peremptory challenge, anyway. 🙂

    What does work is to claim that you absolutely MUST hear both sides before you can decide the case.

  3. I’m embarassed to admit that I really was thinking about this blog during all of the tedious questioning. What else are you going to do when you’re stuck in a room for five flippin hours listening to personal details about strangers’ lives?

  4. I just got a letter for jury duty. One of the questions they asked was if I had ever been involved in a third party liability case. I use to work for a law office & put down too many to count. Hope that gets me out. Makes you wonder about the folks who get on the jury, who aren’t sharp enough to get out of it. They are the ones decided the fate of others. Scary!

  5. #9 is the best! LOL. I just used “I’m a stay-at-home mom with 4 children who’ve been left emotionally fragile by my recent diagnosis and treatment for thyroid cancer.” So boring. Clearly, I should have come to you for something more creative 🙂

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