What not to give her for Valentine’s Day

Perhaps it’s just my husband who needs help picking out Valentine’s gifts, (which is why I buy my own. Thanks Dear, for the lovely doll!) but in the interest of helping men everywhere, I am putting together a list of things not to buy your loved one. These are items I found when I googled Valentine’s Day gifts.

It should go without saying that you shouldn’t buy your sweetheart holiday themed toilet paper. (What says true love better than restroom items?) It’s nice that you love me from top to bottom, but not that bottom. And while I’m listing things, also forgo any Kleenex that says, “You blow my mind!”

Yes, stuffed animals can be cute–and even appropriate if your loved one happens to be in junior high. For women older than that, no. Just resist the urge to buy one of these things. And whatever you do, don’t go for the more bizarre stuffed animals like this one:

Happy Valentine’s Day! I want to bite your head off!

And this? Only if your girlfriend is in medical school.

If you tell your loved one that you’re giving her a diamond, it had better not be one of these–or you might not want to stand behind her car. Just saying.

And if you give her this, it had better turn into a prince after she kisses it. And the prince should look like George Clooney.

And to end this list–I’m not even sure what this picture is, but I somehow find it very touching that the restroom symbols will be spending a romantic day together. I hope you are so lucky.


  1. Lauren
    February 14, 2011 at 11:49 am

    Oh my gosh! That is hilarious.

    I especially like the doll that bites heads off. šŸ™‚

  2. Valerie Ipson
    February 14, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    Husbands: Stick with chocolate and you’ll do fine.

  3. Erin Edwards
    February 14, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    It’s funny how men sometimes don’t get it. After about 10 years I finally came out and told my husband, “I want flowers (yes the kind that only live a few days and then die like they’re a waste of money) and chocolate for Valentine’s Day. You don’t have to try to be creative, just get that.” šŸ™‚

  4. azang
    February 14, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    I would love a pink Domo! That’s the one that bites heads off just in case you don’t know what a Domo is. He’s a sushi. I haven’t seen him in pink before.

  5. Asenath
    February 14, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    Ok, I actually like the stuffed heart. Not for Valentines Day, but I think it is funny.

  6. Jenni
    February 14, 2011 at 8:05 pm

    I don’t know, maybe I’m weird, but I LOVE stuffed animals! And I’m almost 30.

    BTW- where did you find that pink monster one? My birthday’s coming and I want to send my husband a hint!

  7. Janette Rallison
    February 14, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    I found it by googling Valentine’s Day gifts and then images, but now when I tried that again, I didn’t see it. Maybe they sold out . . .

    And really, I suppose I shouldn’t be dissing stuffed animals since I have a rather extensive doll collection.

  8. Shari
    February 15, 2011 at 8:19 am

    Those are awesome! I have to say I’m glad I got dinner out instead of decorated TP.

  9. Rebecca
    February 16, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    This is so funny! I’m going to be visiting your blog often.

  10. Jane Isfeld Still
    February 16, 2011 at 8:39 pm

    I have more stories about valentine day disasters than you can imagine. It’s always good for a laugh. This year I was the dud though LOL

  11. LauraB
    February 16, 2011 at 8:48 pm

    Thanks for the laughs! Someone I worked with actually got his wife a dustbuster for Valentine’s Day one year. When we teased him about it, he got defensive and said it was RED! Unbelievable.

  12. Janette Rallison
    February 17, 2011 at 9:25 am

    This is the reason that women write romance novels, not men.

  13. Hall Family
    February 21, 2011 at 6:34 am

    I was checking ksl.com this morning and there on the side of the page was the cover of my fair godmother advertising accuQuote. I guess chrysanthemum ever star needed a second job?:) ( excuse the iPad it likes to make changes on everything I type, no matter how accurate.)

  14. Janette Rallison
    February 22, 2011 at 8:14 am

    True, Chrysanthemum has been pushing all sorts of wares. If I had known she was going to be such a permanent fixture on advertisements, I would have written that into the second book.

  15. Julie Wright
    February 24, 2011 at 9:17 am

    restroom sybols!!! awesome!

  16. AmyF Hackworth
    March 15, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    HA! Jeanette, I just received a giant diamond ring key chain!! That very one!! Not from my husband, thank goodness.

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  18. Frencis Merchant
    February 5, 2013 at 12:37 am

    It feels awesome to read such informative and unique articles on your websites.My Valentine Love

  19. Berta Hargrove
    May 8, 2013 at 11:29 pm

    Thanks for your beyond belief blogs stuff.

  20. Julian Guzman
    June 2, 2013 at 11:00 pm

    Hi buddies, it is great written piece entirely defined, continue the good work constantly.
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