Doll Wrecks

Anyone who’s ever been to my house knows that I have a thing for dolls. Baby dolls, fashion dolls, American Girl Dolls. Truth be told, my daughter’s Magic Attic dolls have better wardrobes than I do—and more expensive ones too. But that’s a completely different subject.

The point is, I occasionally look at dolls on the Internet. You can find some dolls that are works of art on eBay, and they fetch artwork prices. For example, take a look at this one of kind “reborn” doll that is currently going for 820.00

Amazing right? Or how about this one?

I’m convinced some of the artists are just snapping pictures of their kids and posting them as dolls. But some of the one-of-a-kind dolls aren’t as charming as the first two I’ve shown you. In the constructive spirit of the Cake Wreck blog I’d like to offer some don’ts to the doll artists of the world.

Don’t make your baby doll look like it is posing for a mug shot. This doll brings to mind all of those pictures of celebrities who are being carted off to jail for drunken behaviour. Is that the role model we want for Junior? I think not.

Don’t make your dolls look like they are some sort of half-human half-alien cross breed. One can’t help but think that these dolls might come to life sometime during the night and zap you back to their mother ship.

Crying dolls can be cute, but there is a difference between a few pleasantly pouty tears and a face that is scrunched up like the doll is suffering from a ruptured spleen. Really, this is not a moment in childhood that I would want to capture and keep.

My cousin once told me that all babies looked cuter if they had hair. Sadly, this is not true with dolls. There are some things hair is not going to fix. Like this next one.

And sometimes hair can actually make a doll look worse. Take for example, this one:
Yeah, he sort of looks like the Little Dutch Boy who has been seeing far too much of Little Debbie, Betty Crocker, and Captain Crunch.

And for the next doll . . .

All I can say is, “What the heck?!!” What is this even supposed to be? An impressionistic version of a baby doll? A broken mold? A method to scare young women into not having children?

And speaking of those horrible nightmares you have when you’re pregnant where you dream you give birth to a goat, or kitten, or some other creature you weren’t supposed to have–we don’t need this sort of thing, doll artists, we really don’t, so stop with the reborn monkeys. They’re just creepy. That’s why the makers of the Wizard of Oz gave monkeys wings and used them to terrorize Dorothy and generations of young viewers.

Okay pregnant women, look away, breathe deeply and tell yourself that you will give birth to a beautiful baby, not a furry creature or a half-alien spawn. I promise you it won’t happen. And just so that you can get those images out of your mind, I’ll post a picture of my one-of-a-kind artist created doll. But sorry eBay shoppers. He’s not for sale.

Here’s a word of encouragement for anyone out there who is or wants to create reborn dolls: practice makes all of the difference. Look at the third doll on the blog. Now look at the artists latest doll. Amazing, right? You can see more of her work at: Adorable Bundles Nursery. adorable bundles nursery

More doll wrecks

And more doll wrecks


  1. nikkebirde
    February 6, 2011 at 11:51 pm

    Oh my goodness. Dolls give me the creeps. Even if they’re cute. I went in to a house once and there was like a hundred dolls in just the living room. I thought I had just walked in to a nightmare. It was horrific. hahaha!

  2. Janette Rallison
    February 7, 2011 at 12:01 am

    Ha! My middle daughter would never have her dolls or her stuffed animals in her bedroom for the same reason. My youngest daughter has enough of both to populate a small island nation.

  3. nikkebirde
    February 7, 2011 at 12:29 am

    LOL! My sister has a bunch of porcelain dolls and love them. I once went over to a friends house when I was like 10 and she had a life size barbie freak thing and my Mom had to come get me because I was freaking out. It was one of those screaming and sobbing moments…hahaha!

  4. Shari
    February 7, 2011 at 7:01 am

    Monkey dolls? Really? You should start a doll wreck blog. You got some great ones to start with.

  5. Janette Rallison
    February 7, 2011 at 8:34 am

    The sad thing is that there are so many bad ones to choose from on ebay. But how many times can you say, “Wow, what a hideously frightening doll?”

    But maybe I’ll be compelled to do a few because–ugh–somebody needs to say it.

  6. Anonymous
    February 7, 2011 at 9:09 am

    “There are some things hair is not going to fix.”
    This one reminds me of The Nanny’s father (old tv show for your young bloggers) – I remember that SAME head of hair (toupée?) on him! Very scary, definitely.

  7. Janice
    February 7, 2011 at 9:12 am

    Plunge some of those super creepy dolls inside a cake and you have the perfect diet plan. No, really. I’ve seen it on cake wrecks. I was one of those girls that had to have all the dolls stowed away in a cupboard at night. I was sure they were going to kill me in my sleep.

  8. Lori
    February 7, 2011 at 9:19 am

    Ok, HILARIOUS!! My mother-in-law has these little dolls that have the scariest faces. My girls won’t even play with them.

  9. Janette Rallison
    February 7, 2011 at 9:27 am

    Same thing with clowns. You know they’re all scary under that white makeup and red nose.

  10. tenacious d
    February 7, 2011 at 9:50 am

    *Shudder!* Actually, a friend of mine has twin great-nephews who look exactly like the little-Dutch-Boy-who-ate-too-much-Little-Debbies.

  11. Botterfly Girl
    February 7, 2011 at 9:59 am

    Thats hillarious, especially the Dutch boy. Not really a fan of dolls though, I’d rather hold a real baby!

  12. Tam
    February 7, 2011 at 11:19 am

    You’ve never wondered what ET’s child would look like if he fell in love with a human? Well, wonder no further. The 1st doll wreck is his child.

    These are TOO TOO funny. Scary funny…Scunny.

  13. Lauren
    February 7, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    Oh my gosh! That last picture looks so real! I didn’t know people could make dolls that look so real… and some that are just plain scary.

    This post made me laugh my head off! I especially liked the little dutch boy who has seen too much of Little Debbie, and Captain Crunch. 🙂

  14. Tristi Pinkston
    February 7, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    Those are hysterical – thanks for sharing!

  15. Another Writer
    February 7, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    I’ve seen a lot of creepy dolls in my travels and actually, those are mild compared to many I’ve seen.

    Here’s something else to give you nightmares. Go to ebay and search ending auctions for “haunted doll.” It’s incredible what people will pay if they think a doll is possessed. Try sorting them from highest price to lowest to see the crazy prices some have sold for.

  16. Tanya Parker Mills
    February 8, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    Great post, Janette! Actually, I have to disagree with Tam…

    I thought the first doll wreck looked amazingly like Robert Downey, Jr. in his bad boy days (as if he’s really left them behind).

    BUT your next to last doll wreck with blonde hair did resemble a combination of ET and Drew Barrymore (in that same film).

    It only goes to show that beauty (or the lack thereof) is in the eye of the beholder.

  17. Rachelle
    February 8, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    That is just scary. We have a pretty cool picture of my baby sitting by some other baby dolls–kind of makes you do a double take–but not in a scary kind of way like the dolls you showed. 🙂

  18. Alison's Book Marks
    February 8, 2011 at 5:49 pm

    I’m afraid…very, very afraid.

    The crying doll was disturbing – like his parents had decided to Ferberize him, but they read the instructions wrong.

  19. Wendy
    February 8, 2011 at 8:59 pm

    Impressionistic Doll has to be my new PC wallpaper–I couldn’t stop laughing. Thanks!

  20. Taffy
    February 11, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    MY kids gasped in horror at some of those dolls/aliens!
    The last one is cute!

  21. A Canadian Girl
    February 11, 2011 at 11:03 pm

    Wow, some of those dolls are so creepy looking!

  22. Janette Rallison
    February 12, 2011 at 12:11 pm

    Yes, apparently doll making is harder than it looks. Who knew?

  23. earwaxtasteslikecrayons
    February 13, 2011 at 11:33 am

    I believe I might be scarred for life. Thanks a lot, Janette.

  24. Rebecca
    February 16, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    I’m slightly freaked out by some of those–ok, most of those!

  25. Julie Wright
    February 24, 2011 at 9:21 am

    there are some creepy creepy toys out there . . .

  26. Anonymous
    February 17, 2013 at 12:04 am

    Your “Doll Wreck “ posts are hilarious and so true. Those gothic and zombie dolls are creepy too. I can’t understand why someone would want to buy a doll that looks like a dead child.

  27. mckenzie
    October 25, 2013 at 6:37 pm

    that last one was real, right? I have 5 actual reborns, one being a crier, another being a monkey, and I was TOTALLY offended by this! I love any reborns, ugly, furry, aliens, vampires, whatever you throw at me, I`ll take! a reborn is a reborn, lol

    • Janette Rallison
      January 29, 2014 at 2:16 am

      I’d like to sell you some dolls then. I could whip you up a one of a kind reborn doll made from paste and milk jugs. Trust me, it will be adorable.

      And yep, the last one is my oldest son.

  28. Annette
    November 15, 2014 at 5:33 pm

    Wow, judge not least you be judge. Why would you be so mean about other peoples dolls? Please find someone you can help with your words, kindness goes a long way. I’ll be praying for you maybe you could listen to Joel Osteen I bet ya if you took the same time to find positives in people’s art work God would bless you abundantly …. Try it !!!

    • Janette Rallison
      November 16, 2014 at 12:37 pm

      Thanks for your kind thoughts. Keep in mind that I’m just joking in these posts. Joking, really. I think it’s important for people to have a sense of humor–and even to be able to laugh at themselves. Perhaps writers just look at critiques differently than other people. Writers do their best job on a book, then we send it to beta readers who point out all its faults. It hurts, true, but in the long run it’s helpful because we go back to our manuscripts and make them better. Then we send the revised manuscripts to our editors who again point out things they don’t like and tell us to change a bunch of stuff. And it hurts all over again–but it makes us better writers. If no one pointed out faults to athletes, artists, or musicians, you would have no good athletes, artists, or musicians. I guess you could say the same for any career. I love dolls and wish all the doll artists the very best. I freely admit that good or bad–they’re all better than what I could do. Perhaps one day I’ll have to do a doll myself and post it–and I will happily let others poke fun at it.

  29. Lalani
    July 5, 2015 at 7:03 pm

    Actually, my second ever reborn doll is actually one of the featured doll wrecks as posted above. While learning the art of reborning, seeing as I taught myself, I can look back at my work from 2008 and am happy to have progressed from there. There is a lot to learn and the art is consistently evolving. It has been such a nice journey and I hope that any new and upcoming reborn artists don’t stop your craft. My reborn may have been considered ugly, but I loved him, and my work now is far from where I began. 🙂

    • Janette Rallison
      July 5, 2015 at 8:36 pm

      I hope you took my blog/comments in the good humored fun that they were intended. I give kudos to anyone who endeavors to do any type of art. Sheesh, now I feel bad . . .

      • Lalani
        July 6, 2015 at 11:43 am

        No worries at all, it is nice looking back where I started. This blog is entertaining, and insightful. I have to agree with some here, though. I’m not a fan of the scary dolls, but there is a lovely magic in the technique sometimes. I’ve seen some very beautifully crafted and detailed but scary babies, and in that fashion, I have to respect the art.. just not a fan. I like babies to look like cute little fat and rosy cheeked babies!

        • Janette Rallison
          July 6, 2015 at 1:08 pm

          I feel the same about horror books. I can respect the craft of creating suspense and fear in a story, but I don’t read them. I would never sleep at night.

  30. Jaleah
    December 2, 2015 at 9:17 pm

    l will get one for my birthdaw

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