Vote for the Worst Pickup Lines Used as Song Lyrics

Once again it’s time for The Enrique Iglesias Memorial Worst Pickup Lines Used as Song Lyrics Award!

I have to say that this year there are a lot of contenders so it will be hard to pick just one.

Locked Away by R. City featuring Adam Levine

If I got locked away
And we lost it all today
Tell me honestly would you still love me the same?
If I showed you my flaws
If I couldn’t be strong
Tell me honestly would you still love me the same?

I don’t blame the song writer for wanting to know if his girlfriend would still love him even if he lost all his money. And yeah, we all need to know if our significant other is in the relationship for the long haul. But the lyrics: If I got locked away and we lost it all today, seem more like a confession of eminent arrest rather than a profession of love. I think the correct question to ask is: what did this guy do, and where did he put the body?

Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift

And when we’ve had our very last kiss
My last request is

Say you’ll remember me
Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe
Red lips and rosy cheeks
Say you’ll see me again even if it’s just in your wildest dreams
Wildest dreams

I love Taylor Swift’s music. If I was stranded on that proverbial desert island with only one singer, it would be Taylor Swift. I never get tired of her songs. Plus I don’t think she would kill me in my sleep and eat me. I can’t say the same for some rappers.

Taylor has perhaps had a rocky road where relationships are concerned, but it seems like she’s jumping the gun to write a pre-break up song. I mean, those lyrics have got to make a guy feel secure about their relationship. He’s wondering if it’s true love and she’s already got requests for him after she’s long gone.

Talk Dirty by Jason Derulo

Been around the world, don’t speak the language
But your booty don’t need explaining
All I really need to understand is
When you talk dirty to me
Talk dirty to me
Talk dirty to me
Talk dirty to me

The rest of the lyrics to this song are so graphic that if I print them, I’ll be blocked from all decent people’s computers. In fact, these lyrics are bad enough that I may have to change the name of this award from The Enrique Iglesias Memorial Award to The Jason Derulo What Were You Thinking Award.

Um Jason, I think you’d have a better chance of picking up classy women with the line: “Talk literature to me.” Or “Talk stocks and investments to me.” Or pretty much anything else. Maybe just, “Talk to me.” What you’re going to pick up with these lyrics is an assortment of social diseases.

I Can’t Feel My Face by The Weeknd

I can’t feel my face when I’m with you, but I love it, but I love it
I can’t feel my face when I’m with you, but I love it, but I love it

And I know she’ll be the death of me, at least we’ll both be numb
And she’ll always get the best of me, the worst is yet to come
All the misery was necessary when we’re deep in love
This I know, yes I know, and I know

This is perhaps the weirdest song I’ve heard in a long time. I’m not sure whether these lyrics are supposed to be compliment or a plea for medical help. Personally, if a guy said this to me, I’d call 911.

Marvin Gaye by Charlie Puth

Let’s Marvin Gaye and get it on
You got the healing that I want
Just like they say it in the song
Until the dawn, let’s Marvin Gaye and get it on

We got this king size to ourselves
Don’t have to share with no one else
Don’t keep your secrets to yourself

I love the melody of this song, but the lyrics are just too creepy. Why would you say, “Hey look, we don’t have to share this king size bed with anyone else”?

Who does Charlie usually share it with and where are they now?

As far as using Marvin Gaye’s name as a verb–well, if your name has become a euphemism for (what phrase can I use that won’t get me blocked?) for doing it, then maybe your life was misspent. Just saying.

Feelings by Maroon 5

And you say that it’s not right
But where does he think you are tonight?
Does he know your nasty side . . .

If you want me, take me home and let me use you
I know he doesn’t satisfy you like I do . . .

I got these feelings for you
And I can’t help myself no more
Can’t fight these feelings for you
No, I can’t help myself no more I, I, I

You and me let’s go all night
Going so high, we f*** the sky
Come with me now, f*** that guy

Ah Adam Levine, no other artist has ever sung two songs that were nominated at the same time. Although in all fairness, that may be because the radio doesn’t play that many Jason Derulo songs.

So, where do I start with these lyrics?

You know, I’m not even going to touch the whole calling a girl ‘nasty’ issue, and I’m not going to bring up the fact that women don’t want to be used, they want to be loved. I won’t delve into the tastelessness of using the F bomb in song lyrics. I’m just going to point out that your usage of the F word is inconsistent and therefore confusing. Is the term supposed to be a good thing (first usage) or a bad thing (second usage)? Because, yeah, those lyrics make absolutely no sense. Plus the first usage makes for a really bizarre visual image.

Okay blog readers, vote for the song that you think deserves the award the most! (And feel free to nominate other deserving songs.)

To see other years’ nominees you can check out these blogs:

2011 Enrique Award

2012 Enrique Award

2013 Enrique Award

2014 Enrique Award